5 Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

By Sovena Ngeth

Unfortunately, I’ve been in toxic relationships. At times, I even exhibited unhealthy behaviors that I learned as a result.

It wasn’t until I experienced my first real, healthy relationship that I realized just how bad my previous experiences were.

I am so angry at modern society for romanticizing toxicity — that somehow, your partner’s need for control and extreme jealous tendencies equate to a passionate relationship with a person who just “cares too much.”

Ever heard the urban quote, “if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will instantly leap out. But if you put it in a pot filled with room temperature water and gradually heat it, the frog will remain in the water until it boils to death”?

The sentiment applies to toxic relationships as well. You don’t realize you’re in one until it’s too late.

You begin to make excuses for your significant other’s actions. You experience cycles of highs and lows and convince yourself these are the problems that come with a relationship, and if you just stick through with them, it will be worth it in the end.

I’m here to tell you it’s not.

You don’t have to be the one who changes this person; you don’t have to save them from themselves.

And that’s okay.

It’s not your responsibility.

5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

1. Control

It begins slowly. It sounds like:

• “Where are you going?”
• “Who are you hanging out with?”
• “What time will you be home?”
• “Why are you wearing that?”

At first, this can appear as a sign of genuine concern about your wellbeing. But then, it turns into constant harassment about your whereabouts, activities, and who you’re around.

They might look through your phone, demanding to know passwords and who you’re talking to.

When this began happening to me, I brushed it off and didn’t think too much of it until I realized I was in a constant state of fear. And I didn’t even know what I was…